Hetero- or homosexuality does not exist

Based on my background in biology and animal behaviour, based my own observation about sexual and social behaviour within our species and based on studies that have been made about homosexuality, I hypothesise that no one is gay or straight – hetero- and homosexuality is purely a result of suggestions and social construct.

This hypothesis came up from a discussion that I had with my wife. She seemed to have spent the morning reading about the science behind homosexuality, and in what way evolution would allow there to be homosexuality present in the population.

Many studies suggest that there is a so called “gay gene”, some studies suggest that homosexuality can be a result of environmental factors in the womb or external that allow genes to be expressed differently – as explained by Dawkins in the video.

I argue that our obsession about homosexuality makes us focus on the wrong issue. In fact, our obsession with gender also misdirects our studies and focus. What is sexual attraction is purely biological. It has to do with so called pheromones as to find the mate that perfectly matches our genetic composition to produce strong offsprings.

If that is true, why would genitalia matter? That is where the social pressure and power of suggestion comes in. I don’t believe being heterosexual is the “normal”, and other sexualities are derivatives. My theory is that we are all bisexual – or rather, pansexual. Those that identify as gay or straight are that way because of years of social pressure and suggestions.

Before you skip the rest of this article and hit the comment button and share unpleasant angry comments, I will say that I respect whatever LGBTQ+ identity you identify with. It is none of my business to say what is true or not. It is important that we respect everyone for who they are and not question whatever identity they identify with.

I am simply exploring the evolutionary perspective of sexuality in the biological sense. Psychology certainly plays a big part of it. We do not fall in love or become sexually aroused with our eyes, it is our nose that activates that part of our brain when a certain person is genetically compatible to us – we then explain it with our eyes. For those who identify as bisexuals or pansexuals will understand this. For those who identify as heterosexual and homosexual will not.

If we were all open about our sexuality and explore our feelings, it would possibly be clear that we are all bisexuals. Many times I have heard monosexuals say that they found a person attractive but would never date them because they are personally gay or straight. As humans we tend to close doors to possibilities when we feel these doors should not be open.

“What makes people homosexual?” is the wrong question to ask. You should ask “What makes people monosexual?” – THAT would be more interesting. The first question assumes that heterosexuality is the norm, while bisexuality could very well be the norm. Our research in homosexuality is very 80’s minded. I cannot understand why there is so much research in the “gay gene” when it is obvious that sexuality seems to be a spectrum and we all fall in different parts of the spectrum.

I would love to test this hypothesis.

Cultural Appropriation: is it just about hair?

The whole “white people shouldn’t have black hairstyles” keeps coming up on my FB newsfeed.. The question is always the same “why is it such a big deal when we are all basically multicultural? Shouldn’t sharing our differences be something to celebrate?”

I think it all comes down to respect. I daresay, this is an American issue and based on how American culture is structured, so I understand when Europeans go “I don’t understand why this is such a big deal”. I did that, and it got me blocked from the Everyday Feminism facebook page – I was accused of being a White Feminist. I learned from my mistake: I do not have a say in how a minority feels, especially assume that all our cultures are the same.

Is it okay for a white person to use black hairstyles? Sure. Does it show respect? No. A western white person wearing a kimono, a hijab, or a black hairstyle because it is fashionable ends up negatively affecting those from who they “stole” or “borrowed” it from. It is not easy to be culturally different from the majority; wearing cornrows or a hijab is not generally accepted in the western society, but if a white person uses them, it is considered cool and fashionable.

Cultural appropriation negatively affects the movement for equality. If America had no racism, this wouldn’t be an issue, but because there is racism, it does become an issue. One doesn’t get to steal a cultural aspect they like, and ignore the rest. “We are equals, focus on how we are equal and share the culture”. Great idea, but you are ignoring why people are getting upset, you are not taking the time to actually sit down and listen to why. You are blinded by a perfect society that doesn’t exist, unwilling to see gender, race and religion, because we are all equal. You are therefore part of the problem.

It is not about making the gap between races, religion and culture bigger, it is about acknowledging the differences and closing the gap. People are shouting about how they are discriminated and anti-movements respond with “we are all equal, focus on that, focus on our similarities, there are more important issues to focus on”. The problem is that we are not equal, we don’t have equal opportunities and equal rights. Yes, we are all human beings – we eat, poop, fart and all our bodies function exactly the same way. We all thrive for happiness and we love, hate and feel emotion, some more than others. Yet, our social structure is not based on equality, but on our differences. If you do not see how, we will never be able to change it.

That is what activism is about: I say that I am a multilingual pansexual genderqueer person who has a multicultural background to show that I exist, that I am not like you, and our society does not welcome me the way I am. Why? No one knows what pansexuality is, no one understands non-binary, I am fluent in many languages but I haven’t mastered any of them which makes people think I am stupid, and I grew up with different cultural backgrounds so I don’t really fit in anywhere. If you do not want to see me for who I am because you are “gender blind” or want to see everyone as equals, you will never be an ally to make my life a bit easier. We are equals, but we are not treated equally – THAT is the issue many are ignoring. Stop dreaming and focus on the reality and listen.

Why I gave up Twitter

Last month I decided to try Twitter, and I have now deleted my account – I lasted one month. During the first hours there, I got trolled and bullied because I made it public that I am a feminist. Why? Because there are many “feminists” that promote expressions like “showering in man tears” and then do not realise that feminism today is in fact about all genders, sexual orientations, races, religions and nationalities – Intersectional Feminism.

It also got to a point where people have questioned my gender identity – in general confrontational about my views, what I want to help achieve and who I am. What annoys me however, is that there are people who have the same views as me (according to their account), yet just want to be the one who is right without trying to understand the other. In the end, Twitter becomes a perfect location to increase tension in movements like feminism, and in many cases making it worse, when we could unite for the same goal.

While this experience has allowed me to see and understand why so many are against feminism, it has also given me an existential crisis about my views on feminism, gender identity and anything else that is queer. Not that I might be wrong, but when you get bullied so hard you start to question everything about yourself and others. “Am I doing the right thing?”

When you go against the stream and actively work for a world where people take you for who you are without questioning you, you sometimes doubt yourself. It is normal, but scary. I am not a feminist scholar, I haven’t read a whole load of books, and I do not have a degree in gender studies. I am a green scientist, observant, part of the LGBTQ+ community and my views and ideals accidentally lie in what is known as feminism.

Bully me all you want, push me down all you want, but I stand firm about who I am and what I deserve, for I see unfairness in our society for all genders. I feel more at ease walking at night in the company of a man, I feel the need to prove myself over and over again, I feel the need to marry my girlfriend to show that my relationship is real and not a phase, I feel the need to say I am gay instead of pansexual, and I feel the need to STFU when it comes to talking about my rights.

I gave up twitter because it was a toxic environment – it doesn’t help to increase my knowledge about feminism, it doesn’t help the movement and many “feminists” have made feminism a hate movement against men. So, thanks but no thanks.

Don’t forget the “B” in LGBTQ

“Nearly half (48%) of bisexual people have experienced biphobia in the UK, and almost for out of ten (38%) said they had experienced sexual harassment, says a new report published [on Thursday].” – KaleidoScot

We have a problem. While there are LGBTQ campaigns, most are not directed to bisexual or pansexual people. While bisexual people are seen as promiscuous and unfaithful, pansexual is also seen as someone who would have sex with anyone. Both straight and gay people look at you sideways when they figure out you are bisexual or pansexual. Either way, not gay enough.

What is scary is when this leads to situations of life and death. Situations like the Jamaican bisexual cis-man that has asked for asylum in the UK because of Jamaican’s anti-gay laws and discrimination. A man forced to prove with pictures that he has had same-sex relationships.

“I won’t survive if I go back,” Edwards said. “The media coverage of my case means that my picture and my story are all over the Jamaican media. Once you are perceived as homosexual or bisexual you are branded for the rest of your life.” – Orashia Edwards through The Guardian

Just because a person feels attracted to both genders or all genders, doesn’t mean that the person they fall in love and build a family with (if there is what you want) will be a person of a different gender. It is as though being bisexual means that you are full time straight with a few gay relationships. “If you are bisexual, you can be with someone of the opposite sex, so we don’t give you asylum”. As homosexuality is not a choice, bisexuality is not a choice.

Bullying within the LGBTQ community

Article from OUT.com: Sam Smith talks about his experiences with homophobic bullying — but he says other gay men can be the worst.

Bullying is everywhere, but the worst is when you come to a group of people with hope that you will be finally accepted for whom you are. This sunday I went with the local LGBT organisation to walk for women’s rights. With a coffee at hand, one who is part of the board, an elder drag queen commented about how silly neutral pronouns are, and it doesn’t help anyone to know who you are talking about it. He pointed at me and another woman and said “for instance, you two are ‘she’, I’m ‘he’ and he is ‘he’, obviously”. I wanted to scream, cause I am tired to have people assume my gender. For years I felt like that, but never understood why. Now that I understand, I didn’t have the guts to say “yeah, no, ‘zie’ not ‘she’ for me, thank you, don’t assume my gender”. When I was the board chairperson for an old and successful student LGBTQ association, there was a whole discussion about changing our name from the 30 year old “Gay Students” to something more inclusive to the whole LGBTQ community. The old members of the board (who were in fact cis-gay-men) left after we changed the name to something inclusive to all LGBTQ students. A complete fall out.

I want to believe that the LGBTQ community is welcoming to all, more open minded, as they have grown up being discriminated and bullied, but the reality is that we are not. Being bisexual can be something that many who are homosexual find silly, as in “pick a side, you can’t have both” or “you are not gay enough”. Being trans can be slightly unwelcoming at times. Even “innocent” comments such as one from a lesbian friend to my partner and me: “So as you (my partner) are the sporty masculine one, she (me) must be into dresses and makeup, like my girlfriend is”. Again, I screamed inside of frustration. I rarely wear makeup, and yes, I wear dresses at times, while my partner never wears skirts or dresses. That does NOT mean I am the girl in the relationship. Or gay men that have to have a certain body type to be accepted by other gay members of the community, as fellow blogger ARIES MAN explains in his article “Real (Gay) Men (Don’t) Have Curves“.

It seems that it is human essence to bully and discriminate. There might be some kind of evolutionary explanation to have this need for it. Hell, I used to be a major gossiper in my younger years. I was bullied, but I talked behind people’s back, and it made me feel better. But we should know better. People commit suicide thanks to bullying, it is serious, and when it is a group of people that should understand how feels to be different, it feels even worse when it comes from them.